|“||There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you.||”|
— The Doctor, who doesn't know he's been killed in two of them
Alien is a horror film franchise with a few somewhat amusing connections to Doctor Who. It just about meets the bare minimum to justify an article, at least; even if you think it doesn't fuck you. Now -- off to the races!
The first film was directed by Ridley Scott. Scott was working in the BBC design department during 1963, and was assigned to design the serial that would come to be known as The Daleks. A scheduling conflict arose and Raymond Cusick took over the project instead. Two years later, Scott began directing episodes of television shows for the BBC, but the majority of his work for them has been destroyed.Four years prior, an episode of Doctor Who titled The Ark in Space had aired. It was a horror story set on a space ship where, after being awoken from hypersleep, some working-class human astronauts encounter a hostile alien life form that kills not just by eating, but by corrupting and assimilating the human crew member it first encounters. After a struggle through the dark, twisted bowels of the ship, the alien is killed when it attaches itself to a small shuttle pod that leaves the larger space craft and gets destroyed. It was awesome, and so is Alien, because they're the same story. The only thing Doctor Who didn't have was the facehuggers, and that was just a few decades away...
Aliens an action thriller featuring future Torchwood star Bill Paxton and directed by BRAVO CAMERON! This movie dared to ask, what if there were more than one alien!? And what if they were fighting a bunch of soldiers with big guns, causing lots of explosions!? The result is actually pretty GOAT. Basically, Ripley wakes up from hyper-sleep 57 years after the first film and tries to warn the corperation about the danger on the planet, surprisingly, they don't listen. They do eventually when they lose contact with their colony, which will cost them billions of space dollars, so they of course now listen to her. What results is a bunch of soldiers going to the planet and having a big fight with the aliens, who now have a queen, which was apparently ripped off from some B movie featuring giant ants? But no one's ever seen that movie, so they probably thought it was fine, nice try Cameron! This movie's plot would later be recycled for the Doctor Who episodes The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone.
Alien3EditAfter Aliens, Alien3 with its stupid little superscript numeral brought us to a space foundry where basically the first two movies mate and create a weird little half-breed. Ripley, now with a shorn head and banging Charles Dance, encounters a bunch of space christians who are stuck in a prison-foundry after her ship crashes and kills all your favourite characters from Aliens because the sets were completed before the script was. And who's hiding amongst the space prison christians? That's right, Phil Davis, the ratfaced little murderous cabbie who would, years later, skyrocket to fame as Lucius Dextrus Petrus, villain of The Fires of Pompeii! Also, some other dude named Paul McGann.
Alien Resurrection Edit
After Alien3 ruined the franchise forever, 20th Century Fox decided that the franchise had run it's course and decided to let it just fade into the background, being remembered for two GOAT films and one crap one... pfft, do you guys really believe that crap? No, what really happened is 20th Century Fox decided that they could ruin the franchise even further, so they created the film known as Alien Resurrection and threw it into cinemas all around the world. The film is written by BRAVO WHEDON. The story revolves around Ripley being cloned 200 years after the third film (yeah, I know, just roll with it) so that the Alien that was growing inside her in Alien3 can be extracted, I would say spoilers for Alien3 but seriously, does anyone care about that movie? The company screw up like idiots however and the aliens run around and kill people for an hour and a half. All in all, pretty crap, but still better than Alien3 due to the fact that it's just a mindless action film and isn't trying to be atmospheric and emotional, meaning that it can't fail at that. A bit of fun. 6/10. It's goes without saying that Joss Whedon has gotten a lot better at doing films since then.
Alien vs Predator Edit
Now that the franchise was dead and buried, 20th Century Fox needed a marketing ploy to make people give a damn again, so they decided to cross it over with another franchise that was dead and buried... PREDATOR! No, not like that. After over a decade of comics and toys and other marketing devices support the idea of such a crossover, people were hyped for the release, and when they saw it, to their surprise, it was crap. It's about old man Weyland #1 locating a signal in the
North South Pole and going to investigate, only to find that he's been pranked by the Predators into coming and having his team be hosts for Aliens. However, despite their aggressive nature and shiny toys, the Predators get their asses handed to them. The film ends with one of them hatching a plot device for the next film. Overall, the film is actually pretty comfy, it's way better than the colossal mess ups that came before, and it's pretty fun. Check it out. 8/10.
Aliens vs Predator Requiem (AKA, we love money) Edit
Ugh... yeah... this film's not that great. Basically, the plot device (otherwise known as the Predalien, or the abomination) crashes the Predator ship from the end of the first movie into the Colorado mountains and let's loose a bunch of face huggers. At the same time, we get a bunch of typical teen drama bollocks about some kid who wants to get with this girl, but the girl has a boyfriend who's a major dick, but in the end she likes him because he's nice, all that nice, heartwarming crap. It goes on for a while until the aliens start messing up the town, and the big bad boss Predator gets sick of their crap and goes after them. What follows are fight scenes so dark that you can barely make out anything that's going on, and it all ties up with an attempt to explain that the entire Weyland Corporation from the Alien franchise event all their cool stuff by using the Predator technology, an idea that is later decanonised all together in Prometheus, along with both of these movies. This movie isn't that great, but it's not WOAT/Anti-GOAT either, it's just passable better than Alien3 and Resurrection 7/10
Prometheus is pure comfy and GOATy goodness and is the best film in the Alien franchise by far, everyone who disagrees is wrong! It's about big pale men who come down to planets and create humans, (I swear to god it's much better than it sounds on paper). Years later, a bunch of scientists (one of whom is named Liz Shaw) and old man Weyland #2 want to find out who these big pale men are, so they decide to travel to
the moon from the first film a neighbouring moon to the one from Alien and Aliens, where they find a bunch of slimy nasty black crap that turns people into zombies and impregnates women with octopus creatures, which attach to and hatch ape versions of the xenomorphs from the pale Engineer men. All in all, it's pretty GOAT, regardless of what most people say, it tells an interesting backstory and is very entertaining to watch. Sadly, most of the audience was unhappy because NO XENOMORPHS! ERMEHGERD! THIS MOVIE IS THE SPAWN OF SATAN!
Alien: Covenant Edit
Alien Covenant is a sequel to Prometheus and the start of a line of prequels to Alien #GetHype! The story revolves around James Franco getting burned to death and the rest of a colonisation crew landing on an uncharted planet, which turns out to be the homeworld of
the Engineers, otherwise known as the big bad pale men from Prometheus some barren, hopeless and doomed as hell civilisation created by the Engineers. It turns out that Liz Shaw died when a ship crashed because an android dissected her (screw you Prometheus fans!) and the android, David used her body to create the eggs from the first movie eggs that are similar to the ones in the first movie that are either not completed yet, or are different altogether. Overall, people are wrong again and this movie is pure GOAT. Come at me m8s!