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The Cybermans have often used “cyberpets” in their conquest of Croydon and the many gravel mines of the UK.  Like Cybermen themselves, their pets are sometimes said to be mechanically and electronically enhanced animals, although really makes no sense; why would Cybermen be wasting time constructing cyberanimals instead of, say, installing some great-ass electronic brains into them instead that could support Cyberbrain downloads or something?  This would free them of having to kidnap and “cyberrape” humanoids, which might go a long way towards making them less feared by folks round the galaxy and stop that whole “getting kilt by The Fucking Doctor all the time” issue as well.  And think how cool those CyberAnimalMen could be!  Cyberkoalas, Cyberslugs, Cyberbeavers, Cybergiantcoconutcrabs!  ...please just don’t think of them as Cyberfurries.  Anyway, so these cyberpets are a Doctor Who thing and you should know which are which.

Types Of Cyberpets Edit

Fuzzy cybershade belly

Cybershade. Great job, Rusty, at least you tried.

K-9, the ongoing Fourth Doctor’s companion, was once a cyberman cyberpet his cyberself - cyberseriously! - until the fourth Doctor “dog-napped” and reprogrammed him.

Cybershades (from Ten’s lame The Next Doctor) were a beast-like variant of Cybermen which seemed unable to run upright due to poor acting that was barely above that of an extra from a community-level production of Cats.  Instead, they ran about on all fours or bent over low like some non-Andy Seacrest dipshit from Planet Of The Apes.  The Cybershades were incredibly agile and could jump at least five metres off of the ground; we unfortunately had to sit through a scene demonstrating that and how they could scale walls and land safely when falling from great heights (unlike Tom Banker).

Cybermats were small cyborgs used as advance guards, plague carriers and sexual toys by the Cybermen.  All have a metallic body, usually segmented with various eyes, mouths, and a nose. At least one type had a very visible organic vagina (something like a “Cyberfleshlight”).  They appeared with the Cybermen in the stories: Cybermats are presented a lot like cockroaches in their first story, The Dumb of The Cybermen with Doctor Hobo, except they kill a guy or two.  The Wheel Of Fortune in Space again had Doctor Two trying to smash some cyberroaches with his shoe; I think one kills somebody again.  Do not fuck with cyberroaches.

Sadtoy

Yes, some people actually have bought a twelve pack of little silver-painted plastic turds with googly-eyes.

Their next appearance was in the Faff Doctor’s Repeated Revenge of the Cybermen where a  human Cyberquisling used the lone cyberroa-, er Cybermat like a remote-controlled snake to poison his fellow crew-members.  Sarah Jane Smith was nearly penetrated by it’s suggestively-shaped snout in a scene as equally silly as someone in a stupid horror film trying to keep a disembodied hand from strangling them.  The Fourth Doctor later took control of the Cybermat when he couldn’t find a nice gun instead and used it to threaten the guy working for the Cybermen, who shit himself in like two seconds flat, which was kind of dumb I suppose.  Also, the aliens from the planet of gold (such a convenient thing to have around when Cybermen show up, right?) look like people in Silly Putty masks.

In Cloning Time, the Eleventh Doctor discovers a cybermat is somehow stealing electricity because. He kills it with his sonic screwdriver, of course.

The Tamagotchi was a handheld digital pet created in Japan by Akihiro Yokoi of WiZ and Aki Maita of Bandai in 1996 as an insidious Cyberman invasion precursor which the 9th Doctor foiled in the audio story Just What The Hell Is Wrong With The Japanese Anyways?   When a Tamagotchi pet gets sick, a skull icon appears next to the pet as it sits still at the bottom of the screen, with an unhappy expression.  Over 98% of all Tamagotchi pets ever manufactured have by now starved to death or died when their watch batteries ran low.      :(

Cybermites have (so far, thankfully) only appeared in Neil Gaiman's Nightmuck In Silver episode with the 11th Doctor. They were an embarrassment to everyone involved so they’re not worth discussing here.

Moffat's Death in Heaven featured rainclouds and water full of Cyber...microbes? This took the development of Cyber bullshit to its natural conclusion, but whether it falls under Cyberpets is up for debate.

CyberMatt

Look out, it's a CyberMatt! (Hee hee! Get it?)

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