"They watched Extremis - and chose hell."
So, right... What the fuck was this episode? Christ. Don't worry, I liked it, but fuuuck all the same.
The episode starts off with the Doctor receiving an email in his Sonic Sunglasses. Of course, people haven't sent each other emails since the 90's, but I can forgive Moffat for that because he's old and senile. Anyway, as he reads the email, the Doctor thinks about Missy. No, not like that - he's thinking about her execution, which has apparently already happened. But this is the Moffat era where
just this once everybody lives, so really she's not dead at all. Actually we don't find that out until later, but I'll save you the boredom of waiting and tell you now. It turns out that Missy is alive and well, chilling in The Vault with the First Doctor, Susan Whore-man and everyone else theorised to be hiding there for the duration of the Vault arc.
The scene changes to the Doctor standing alone in an empty lecture hall, as if he was teaching a gender studies class in the middle of Alabama. Suddenly, the Pope and co. turn up, fresh from raping some kids. Accompanied by Nardole, the Doctor and the Pope talk pedo-to-pedo about the Veritas, a mysterious book that makes its readers commit suicide. The Doctor agrees to travel to the Vatican to investigate, provided he can cockblock Bill from shagging her date first.
Then they get to this library that is 'designed to confuse the uninitiated'. These ugly, desiccated corpse-like figures called Truth Monks are there, zipping in and out of portals in the walls for no reason. Some priest also kermits suicide, but not before emailing the Veritas to the blokes at CERN. Anyway the Doctor gets Bill and Nardole to fuck off so he can read the Veritas in peace and quiet, as libraries are intended for. Because he's blind, the Doctor uses a magic time lord thingymajig (I think TV Tropes would call it phlebotonium) to restore his sight for a while. Conveniently, the Doctor begins go blind again just as he is about to read the Veritas. Also Truth Monks are surrounding him and speaking with their voices out-of-sync to the movement of their mouths, which is really annoying.
Then Bilbo and Dardole go to CERN and crash their suicide party with no survivors. Some drunk scientist does a "shadow test" with them which involves saying lots of numbers - it's pretty kino. But then it turns out they're in the Matrix and Nardole disappears. Bill is rightly horrified, but the viewer could not be more overjoyed. Then the Doctor finds the President dead (the viewer is overjoyed again) and listens to the Big Finish version of the Veritas, even more likely to induce suicide from its sheer lack of canon. Bill walks in and dies for the third time but it's all okay. You see, Capaldo works out that the simulation is just so the Meddling Monks can work out how to invade Earth, so he sends an email to his real self who's still at the beginning of the episode and tells him whats gonna happen. Then it's revealed that the Doctor didn't execute Missy because of River not approving. Fuck's sake.
CAN'T FUCKING WAIT FOR HARNESS NEXT WEEK.
Meh. Perfect set up for Peter to fuck up.
FUCKING 10/10 GOAT
BRAVO BASED MOFFAT
A great moffucking, not great, a huge clusterfuck but I enjoyed it.
Not GOAT but at Listen level.
>implying listen wasn't GOAT
also that vault reveal was PAINFULLY obvious
but if this were Series 6 through 8 that would've been the climax of the penultimate episode instead of a mid-season reveal. Moffat learned, finally. (Also it wasn't hyped to shit).
doesn't change the fact that we all knew it was missy like 3 episodes ago (even though some of us hoped (it wasn't going to be that obvious)
Why did the priest send a copy to CERN? And why did the Truth Monks have a projector aimed at CERN? At first I thought it would be that they were going to use CERN to blow up the world projection, because the episode seems to be setting up apocalyptic events, but it didn't follow through on any of them. It was just random things that happened.
Anon's Dream Edit
- I had a VERY weird dream about Extremis today.
In my dream Doctor and I (literally it was me) were in some eastern europe city without TARDIS, and we came closer to some random shop, and there were three versions of Simm master (end of time with dyed hair, same version in some kind of white clothes and last of time lords simm)
We freaked out and dashed into the shop but there were a lot of zombies with books in their hands with unreadable title
We were running around from them, but more people came in, and when just regular customers tried to read the title they were converted into the same people with a copy of book growing out of them like gas mask in empty child
We realised its impossible to leave because suddenly there were like 100-150 of them
But we managed to fight a moment and we escaped through window
And I lost my shoes
- I had a VERY weird dream about Extremis today.