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TV License

Totally not Orwellian at all.

The License

"Look out, he's Brown, that might be a pipe bomb!"

"And you watch this stuff?"
"Everyone does. How come you don't?"
"Never paid for my licence."
"Oh, my God! You get executed for that."

The License Fee, also spelled "Licence" by wrong people, is the main method by which the BBC secures its funding, alongside interest collected on melted down gold teeth looted from the Nazis during World War 2.

The License InspectorEdit

In Britain-land, the License Inspector is a position of almost supreme authority. Because Britain has no constitution, the hapless English have no right against unreasonable search and siezure, allowing the License Inspector to enter any premises and inspect it (usually by waving about their little blue-LED electronic wands like some faggoty Harry Potter nutter and then staring at it as if it has some read-out screen on it, which they clearly do not) to determine if the occupant has paid their License Fee, and if so, administer an exam to see if they're qualified to use the equipment. The license exam involves demonstrating an understanding of the functions of the remote, where the channels are, and how to correctly set up the wiring of the television. Failure of the license exam can lead to license suspension, a permanent ban on television use, and even a fine or jail time for numerous failures. As indicated above, License Inspectors are authorized to carry out summary executions, though few have been issued since the 1970s when widespread exercise of this authority was instrumental in the Troubles in Ireland.

The Royal Family does not pay a license fee.

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