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Looms

LOOOMS

Hartnell Loom
Looms dog

Looms were a non-canon (Fuck off, they're less canon than anything else) device used by Time Lords to perpetuate their race when they were unable to procreate sexually.

Background Edit

According to some books by God-Emperor Marc Platt, the Time Lords had to rely on Canonomatic machines Rassilon invented devices to weave (BRAVO PLATT) new life from genetic material when their timedicks stopped working. (Thanks, Pythia.)

History Edit

Looms were created out of necessity after Marc Platt read some shitty TARDIS Data Core page about the Doctor's "Mother" from those crappy Titan Comics, Lord Platt then had a wonderful wet dream about Time Lords living in creepy houses and being born as dementia ridden retards from Looms. Thus the legend of the VNAs were born, and Cartmel liked it so much Platt became one of the Holy Trinity. Unfortunately JNT was a secret TARDIS Data Core agent, and didn't want his canon to be messed with. So the Looms, and Platt's legacy were banished to the dark realms of the Expanded Universe.

Reaction Edit

Only "True Whovians" know that Looms are Canon, since Cat's Cradle: Time's Crucible Looms have been on the highest tier of Who Canon. Some fags hate Looms, mainly the Canon Nazis on TARDIS Datacuck, most people who dislike Looms (Including Moffat) do so due to their high levels of virginity, and their inability to accept the Doctor is as much a virgin as they are.

The biggest Whovians know that Looms work better within the Whoniverse than any other alternative, and basically people wouldn't spend over 50 FUCKING QUID for Lungbarrow if it wasn't canon.

Overview Edit

Looms are basically the essence of everything good about Doctor Who (there isn't much) they're super canon and use a more thematic context than the alternative they like to have sex. Looms mean that the Time Lords are Uber Virgins, and come on, how difficult would giving a blowie be when wearing those collars? Think about it, do you reckon Chancellor Flavia liked getting the D? The only D Time Lords care about is the the D-Mat Gun.

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