Maistuhh is the 49th Big Finish audio and the third in the villains trilogy. It tells the story of how the McCock felt sorry for the crispy Master and made a deal with death to make him live life as a normal person for a decade without knowing he was the Mattress or some shit like that.

Story Edit



It's been 10 years since the Mattress turned hooman - he remembers jack shit about his life prior to those ten years, but he keeps getting a sense that he was evil and so he's dedicated his life to researching serial killers and evil people in general. He's celebrating the tenth anniversary of... being able to remember (?) by inviting round his good friend Victor and his wife Jacqueline to his fancy haunted mansion. The Mattress secretly has a crush on Jacqueline and she also secretly loves him back, despite his constant questioning of whether or not he's evil, which should probably send up a couple dozen red flags right off the bat.

After a couple board games and other quintessentially British things, McCock appears outside, flaming and screaming, but because he's a Time Lord and this isn't a regeneration story, he completely heals within like 5 minutes and gets right down to business, being deceptive and mysterious and saying words like "yes..." and "perhaps..." in that quiet contemplative tone he does that's usually accompanied by the image of him sitting down and gazing into the distance while leaning on his umbrella.

We then learn loads of spoopy shit about Victor and the Mattress and cats, and it turns out some random maid is Death herself. She promised the McCock that's she'd turn the Mattress hooman if the Doctor would then kill him or something, which of course he doesn't do. She then turns the hooman Mattress back into the evil Mattress, who then goes off to do evil Mattressy things again, YAY!

Trivia Edit

  • This story provides an explanation as to why the Mattress is as evil as he is, and it's because when the Doktah was a kid he ended up bashing some guy's fookin' 'ead in (some things never change), and when death came to him in the middle of the night to claim him as her evil puppet, the Doka was like "nah m8 take my cuck Mattress friend instead", and so she did.
  • RTD would later contradict AND plagiarise this story. The End of Time provides a totally different and less interesting origin story, while Utopia steals the concept of the Mattress being hooman and not remembering shit.

Reception Edit

it's gr8 m8 i r8 8/8.

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