The Mattress is a mental patient Moriarty to the Doctor's Sherlock Holmes. A renegade Time Lord equal in ability and intelligence to the Doctor (at least until he/she had a knock on the head and lost the plot.)
The Mattress was created by Barry Letts and Terrance Dicks during the Pertwee era when they were down the pub pissed out of their minds (as usual.) Letts and Dicks were discussing how the Third Doctor was very Sherlock Holmes-ian when eventually they hit upon "What he needs is a Moriarty!"
Suddenly Roger Delgado appeared in a blinding flash of light sliding on a pair of sunglasses as a huge explosion went off behind him. He immediately cast himself for the part and Robert Holmes punched out the first Mattress story Terror of the Autons. The Mattress was born.
He was a pretty decent villain if I'm honest, or at least the Delgado/Ainley versions; dignified, elegant, quietly chuckling to himself while stroking his beard, and he was only evil for the same reason the Doctor traveled around - because he LOVED doing it, and that was all the reason he needed.
That sadly all changed when he was introduced in the RTD era, or as it should be named, the "fuck subtlety" era, where he turned into a raging loony who was motivated by the never ending drums in his head that he had apparently been
suffering from enjoying getting sadist pleasure from his entire life yet had only just brought up now.
Current incarnation Edit
The Mattress's most recent incarnation is Missy Poppins, who was last seen committing whatever the murder version of selfcest is.
The Mattress is non-gender (and seemingly non-species) specific and has at various points been:
- A Time Lord
- A Time Lady (see: Missy)
- A rotting corpse
- Cremated ashes
- A ghost ass-snake
- An old horny bitch who loves the Doctor in something written by Moffat, keep this in mind
- The Doctor's houseboy
- A human, twice
- The Prime Minister
- A manlet
- A ring
- An undead people-eating zombie who flies around on lightning bolts
- Everyone on earth (The Master Race, lolz)
- Rory Williams
- Very definitely definitively dead with no chance of ever coming back EVER (only to return every time with little-to-no explanation.)
Or more accurately, characters who the Mattress has kidnapped, raped, slaughtered, used or abused in some way:
- The Brigadier
- Most of UNIT
- Chang Lee
- Grace Holloway
- Lucy Saxon
- Doctor Chang
- The Rani
- The Doctor
GOAT stories Edit
These are the Mattress stories you should totally watch because they are 12 out of 5. Any not mentioned are probably dogshit except not really.
- The Mind of Evil
- The Daemons
- Frontier in Space
- The Deadly Assassin
- The Five Doctors
- The Mark of the Rani
- The Light at the End
...What? Were you expecting something from NuWho? Pfft of course not, all Mattress NuWho stories are shit... Well, unless you count Utopia as its own story, in which case YES IT'S FUCKING GOAT.
And Dark Water.
And The Doctor Falls.
Actors who have played the various incarnations of the Mattress:
Robert Delgaydo: 1971 - 1973 Edit
Peter Pratt: 1976 Edit
Anthony Anally: 1981 - 1989 Edit
Gordon Nipple: 1996 Edit
Derek Jacobisexual: 2003 Edit
Recorded a filthy outgoing message for the Doctor's answering machine.
Derek Jacobi again: 2007, 2017 Edit
I... AM.... THE MASTER. (electrocutes Chantho)
John Rimmjob: 2007 - 2010, 2017 Edit
- (EVIL CACKLES ARE EVIL XD IM JUST SO INSANSE!!!!!)
- >hijacked TARDIS
>revived by some unnamed shitfucks because magic
>back to the time war he goes
William Hughes: 2007 Edit
Alex 'Pissy Biscuit' MacQueen: 2012 - 2016 Edit
Michelle Gomez: 2014 - 2017 Edit
Played Missy a shit. Move along.
James Dreyfus: 2018 - ???? Edit
Apparently portrays the very first incarnation of the Mattress.