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Wilf.

Old Jack's Boat was the BBC code phrase for the project purporting to be a children's television series documenting the daily life of the so-called 'Old Jack'. However, evidence has come to light that Old Jack's Boat is more than likely CANON - but to what extent, and in what ways, remain a complex enigma ripe for decryption.

Suspicious InformationEdit

The following was all gleaned from watching about two 15-minute episodes.

  • The eponymous Old Jack is portrayed by Bernard Cribbins, and is more than slightly reminiscent of his Doctor Who character Wilfred Mott, who is also a cuddly old man.
  • 3225920-high-old-jacks-boat

    COUNT THE CAKES. FOR GOD'S SAKE, COUNT THE CAKES!

    Joining him in the cast during Series 1 is Freema Agyeman - known for her portrayal of Martha Jones - as Jack's cake-making neighbour Shelly.
  • Midway through each episode, Jack retires to his home/vehicle - a boat that magically alters its appearance, is sentient (it responds to his call), and may even be larger on the inside than the outside (measurements pending).
  • The short stories that Old Jack relates to the viewer in each episode are fantastical in nature and frequently depict Jack exhibiting unusual abilities such as underwater breathing and communication with wildlife.
  • The plot thickens in episode three, whereupon Shelly (Agyeman) demonstrates to the viewer a hidden ability to manipulate reality, summoning cakes and balloons out of thin air with a sparkle of golden energy. Time Lord technology at work?
  • Jack is constantly accompanied by his canine friend Salty.
  • As a tangential note, the side characters are all curiously absurd and repetitive, a bit like people in Rob Shearman audios before they get viciously slaughtered.
  • Russell T. Davies has written for the series, notably a Christmas special that won him some kind of pre-school BAFTA. Further investigation required.

Theories about the true canonicity of Old Jack's Boat vary, but they tend to involve a mixture of Wilf, infostamps, The Moment, dream patches, the Black Archive, and probably some Lawrence Miles tier fuckery. With any luck, if we continue to obsess over this children's show long enough, we'll definitely find some sort of meaning.

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