|“||Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's okay, because fear can bring us together.||”|
Clara "Pancakes" Oswald (played by Jenna Coleman) is the best companion ever and the main character of the britbong TV show Clara Who. She is also known as Clala by Sir Capaldini. Other known aliases include Watersports Clara.
Pancakes first appears as a Dalek who bakes soufflés in Asylum of the Daleks. After realizing her soufflés taste like arse, Eleven kills her. She shows up again in The Snowmen and Eleven pushes her off a cloud to her death. Despite having been murdered twice, she shows up again in The Bells of St. John as a master hacker. When she survives til the end of the episode Eleven decides to let her travel with him, no doubt intending to use her as a human shield when necessary.
She is the impossible girl, the soufflé girl and the most important companion ever. She got pretty damn good in Series 8 when she got a character arc and became an interesting character. This made autistic people angry who thought the show was about the doctor.
After some time traveling with Capaldino in series 9, she soon realized she was too clever to be a companion so she did all she could to be the doctor which in return got her killed but then didn't... You see, we're still in Moffat's world and in this world EVERYBODY LIVES. So after meddling in his dial for 4.5 billion years and becoming the Lord President of Gallifrey, The Doctor, naturally, used this power to save "Muh Clala" to make her functionally immortal, give her a Tardis and a companion... BRAVO MOFFAT. Now she's happily zooming through the universe not dying until she wants to return to Gallifrey, launching her own spinoff which is CANON.
Clara is bae Edit
Only stupid dumb people hate her. Everyone with taste knows shes the best companion ever. Rose was shit and poorly written. Martha had no effort put into her. Donna was annoying. Amy/Rory were merely okay at best.
.Seriously, their story actually had consequences for both them and the Doctor as characters, and the were the true TARDIS trio. Clara has been top tier. Thus Clara is the best.
Clara sucks cock Edit
She was an expert at having no personality, being a walking thesaurus, invading the Doctor's life and refusing to actually fucking leave. She absolutely fucking sucked and was the reason why Capalkino could never go full on Dark Doctor as Moffuck promised, because she kept whipping him into shape by crying over how mean he was. Bitch, quit whining; if aggressive hormonal teen Ace could deal with the Doka's darker side, y'all should have no problem with it either.
Worst of all however was the fact that the core central conflict of NuWho itself - the Doctor's reaction to the loss of his home planet - was made entirely worthless because of her... TWICE. The first time you could forgive since you'd think it might lead to some interesting emotional character development and mark a big turning point in the Doctor's relationship with his own people, but then the second time completely invalidates it by ignoring Gallifrey and focuses on how special Cluhrah is. Some fans claim this is brilliant, but... Really? The first 10 years of NuWho mean absolutely fuck all now, but it doesn't matter so long as the Doctor breathes Clara's queefs as his very air? Fuck you.
If /who/ would stop thinking with it's collective dick for once it would come to realize just how awful of a person Clara truly is. Let me take you through an episode by episode guide of Series 8 as to why she is awful and why I hope she improves in S9.
Deep Breath: Clara rejects the Twelfth Doctor after seeing him regenerate, even though she knew the Doctor in a much more intimate way than any companion before (she was in his time-stream, for gods sake. And you can't tell me she just "doesn't remember" it because they openly reference her remembrance of it in Day). Seriously, even Rose didn't pull the amount of identity crisis mistrust syndrome Clara did and she hadn't even seen literally every event in his life. Admittedly, the end of this episode is good because she reconciles with the Doctor in a sweet way. But of course all of this is undone in like 4-5 episodes.
She has only has vague dream like memories according to Moffat in DWM. She also says in DOTD she remembers them "a bit". And they weren't even here. They were clones of her scattered around. She met War and 10 but she didn't get to know them. She even separated them into different entities at that time, the 'warrior' and the 'hero', she refers to Eleven as 'the Doctor, my Doctor' when speaking to the War Doctor. She was also was really in love with 11. 12 was acting acting hectic and crazy like he usually does during the regenerations and was also way more pragmatic and different when he left her alone compared to how 11 acted. Her reaction to the regeneration is fine.
Into The Dalek: Slaps the Doctor because he turns out to be right. Of course, I should specify that this isn't a Clara specific problem this episode and the Doctor seemed to be the only who had a grasp on what was actually going on. Seriously, what did you think was gonna happen when they "fixed" a "good" Dalek?
Robot of Sherwood: She was fantastic in this episode. qt af. No complaints.
Listen: Once again, wonderful Clara episode. She encounters the Doctor at the youngest we've ever seen him, which is a scene that truly pulls on the heartstrings. Absolutely beautiful Clara/Doctor episode. Absolutely shit Clara/Danny episode (then again, are there any good ones?). She leads him on and triggers his PTSD by telling him he was a shit soldier. Which is a stupid thing to get triggered over, but c'mon Clara, that's not something you say on a first date.
Time Heist: Good episode where she really does try to stick up for Twelve when he's being cold and calculating. Of course, this implies that being cold and calculating is a bad thing. Everyone says "oh yeah we want a Doctor that's more alien and less zany wacky bowties" and that's what we get and then they go all "bu huh he's too mean Clara deserves to act like a bitch because of how mean he is". The best example of this is seen in Kill the Hype. Seriously you guys. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
The Caretaker: One of her worst episodes. Lies to Danny about the Doctor, and then when caught in her lie, CONTINUES TO LIE. Seriously, what the hell did Dann-o see in her? She treated him like shit throughout their entire relationship. Then gets all hurt when the Doctor and Danny don't approve of each other, and blames the Doctor for Danny not liking him or the lifestyle she leads with him. No, Clara, it couldn't have been all of your lies you told to him for the past 4 episodes, huh? Nope, it must be the Doctor's fault. What's really shocking is that, at the end of the episode, the Doctor and and Danny mutually agree on what's best for her, while she gives puppy eyes to them both and doesn't give a shit about how either of them feel about the fucked up situation that is her life. Because goddammit, Clara is gonna get whatever the hell she wants, even if it means betraying the one person who cares about her no matter what. (We'll get to that in a bit.)
Kill the Moon: Okay, both the Doctor and Clara were at fault here. If you had asked me after first watch, I would have said fuck Clara, but she makes some valid points. However, as usual, how she feeeeeeels about everything trumps all logic and reason because for some reason that counts as character development. Oh, and lies to Danny AGAIN at the end by saying she's gonna quit going out with the Doctor. What a piece of shit.
Mummy on the Orient Express: Promises to both Danny and the Doctor that she's done traveling, then changes her mind at the end and fucking lies to Danny. Again. Jesus, remind me why he loves her again?
Flatline: Best Clara ep hands down. She learns what it's like to be the Doctor, and why "sometimes every choice you have is a bad choice, but you still have to choose" is literally how the Doctor thinks 99.999% of the time. True character development is found in this episode. And do you know what? It's name isn't Tranny Splink. In fact, she lies to him again, multiple times in this episode. But that's beside the point. Oh, and that character development she gains here? It's all thrown away for some stupid sentimental bullshit in the next episode.
In the Forest of the Night: Literally tells the Doctor to fuck off and let the human race die after only 3 episodes ago flipping shit when he does just that. Like, holy shit. Am I the only here who realizes how inconsistently her character is written? She says "yeh let these kids die because they'll feel bad without their parents". Does no one realize how truly insane that is? Oh, and lies to Danny many times throughout this episode. Again. Wow, I hate almost everything about this one. Worst of the series.
Flatline: 'True character development!!1 She understands the Doctor now and why he sometimes does things like he did in Kill the Moon!
In The Forest Of The Night: OMG she is so inconsistent, why is she being pragmatic and trying to pull a KTM on the Doctor!
>Like, holy shit. Am I the only here who realizes how inconsistently her character is written?
There's no inconsistency, this is after she comes around to 12's methods in Mummy and Flatline and starts to behave more Doctor like. It should be painfully obvious this was meant to be a turn around to KTM with 12 repeating verbatim what Clara said to him in that episode again in ITFOTN, 'DOCTOR: This is my world, too. I walk your earth, I breathe your air.'
Yes, I don't really buy that would doom herself and her entire race to death just so they wouldn't be the last of their kind like the Doctor, but much of that episode didn't make sense. I mean 12 actually offers to leave the kids and take her away while just this once everybody dies. I choose not to hold that episode as a mark against Clara or the Doctor, it's better to forget most of what happened in it. Frank is a shit writer.
Dark Water: This is it. The darkest day, the blackest hour. Danny, who Clara supposedly loves oh so much after lying to him and treating him like shit throughout their entire relationship, gets rekt because he's an idiot. What does this mean? That Clara will betray her best friend and take away the one thing he has left in the universe because she truly is an awful person. The volcano scene is GOAT. But Clara reveals her true character here: she is selfish, hateful, and willing to destroy other peoples lives to get what she wants.
Death in Heaven: Forces the Doctor to "kill" the only member of his race that can lead him to his home planet because, once again, Clara's feelings trump all logic and reason. I hope she dies old and alone. Goddammit Moffat, we almost had that. Why did you take that away from us?
Nobody cares about your shit taste anon.
She has a nice fat arse.
Her parents are a leaf.
CLARA OSWALD HAS NEVER EXISTED
She is functionally immortal.