Brainchild of Sean Pertwee.


Another SPLINK splinter group.


Pertwee in The Matrix.

The SPLONK order is a religious sect that split off from the Church of SPLINK sometime around the mid 1990's. The sect was created by Sean Pertwee, son of physical manifestation of the SPLINK consciousness and acclaimed Doctor Who Actor Jon Pertwee.

Division of the Church of SPLINKEdit

Sean Pertwee created the order in 1996 when he got into an argument with his father over which letter should be emphasized in the middle of the ancient SPLINK spell that allows the user to cross the road safely. After a heated discussion in which Sean Pertwee was disowned by his father and thrown out of the SPLINK order, Sean returned to his father's home several days later and attempted to assassinate him whilst the SPLINK Avatar was slipping Steven Moffat's grandmother the pertwurst. Before he could be killed, Jon used the power of SPLINK to cross over to the other side and ascend into a higher form of SPLINKment, leaving his earthly body behind. Enraged by his father's escape, Sean cut off Jon's face and placed it on his own. Sean Pertwee still wears his father's face today, leaving many people to comment on how similar Sean looks to his father wihout knowing the dark truth behind Sean's "resemblance."

How do I SPLONK?Edit

According to Sean Pertwee, the word SPLONK can be divided into the following acronym for ease of incantation:

S - "Find a Safe place to cross, then stop."

P - "Stand on the Pavement near the curb.

L - "Look around for traffic and Listen."

O - "If traffic is cOming, let it pass."

N - "When there is No traffic Near, walk straight across the road."

K - "Keep looking and listening around for traffic while you cross."

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