|“||Lol what a clusterfuck.||”|
— Russell The Davies
Series 7 was
shat upon a lot considered a pretty bad series because of the pressure it was under. Everyone knew the Ponds would be leaving soon and that new companion Clara would be along any second, and what's her deal and OMG the 50th anniversary is coming too! So it was easy to overlook the good stuff that came from it.
Series 7 aired sometime during 2012, 2013 or 2014, who the fuck knows? Meven Stoffats greatest accomplishment was being bland miles ahead of RTD blandness. This series proved to the masses that we need a new showruiner.
Series 7 is accurately described as one of the worst seasons in the history of this kid's show- you're getting a bit long in the tooth for this sort of thing, you know? Here are some of the wonderful things awaiting you in this series:
- The Daleks are in their own episode for 10 minutes
- The Doctor rides a motorcycle in space.
- The Doctor rides a motorcycle up a building.
- The Doctor tries to save us from wi-fi.
- Time locked New York/New Jersey/20th Century America??
- A completely wasted Richard E. Grant villain.
- The bad Gatiss Ice Warriors episode. For the better one, see: The Empress of Mars.
- Stephen Thompson.
- Clala saves everyone with a leaf
- There's a planet with a Jack O' Lantern face that happens to be the villain of the episode. Gets defeated by a leaf.
- A group of black men attempt to steal the TARDIS and everything inside it
- A finale that gets completely erased later on.
Did this series really happen? I barely remember it.
|Episode Title||Written by||Description|
|The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe||Steven Moffat||Considered to be one of the worst episodes of NuWho and easily the worst Christmas Special. Seriously, it was awfully dull.|
|Pond Life||Chris Chibnall||A bunch of mini episodes online about Ood on toilets and the state of marriage today. Pretty shitty.|
|Asylum of the Daleks||Steven Moffat||A lot of people did not like it but I actually really did. It's shit. Good opening though!
Honestly, this episode would have worked much better as the Cyberman episode for this series. Seriously, you've got the monsters converting people, an asylum that would have worked better with human-like monsters (someone explain to me how and why these Daleks needed to be committed?), and a twist that was cool, but would have worked better with a CYBERMAN the end. Oh well. Instead we got a mediocre Dalek story and a mediocre Cyberman one. BRAVO MOFFAT.
|Dinosaurs on a Spaceship||Chris Chibnall||This was a fun jaunt into outer space. Dinosaurs are cool (I'm totally not 12 years old) and the convincing CGI made for an entertaining experience. The Doctor kills a guy at the end too. Rory's dad is super cool.|
|A Town Called Mercy||Toby Whithouse||It's great to see the Doctor in the Wild West again after so long. The Gunslinger is a pretty cool guy too. The Doctor tries to kill a guy but then Amy stops him so I'm a bit disappointed. Also, John Crichton. Nothing to complain about here, but not a lot to really like either; merely competent.|
|The Power of Three||Chris Chibnall||This episode introduces Kate Stewart, daughter of the Brigadier. UNIT makes a return, having been absent since the fucking RTD era, bravo Moffat. The episode itself is bittersweet. Many consider it demonstrating everything right with Doctor Who for the first half and everything wrong for the second, forgetting that the 'monster' of the episode isn't supposed to be some big plot thing but just a tool to let show us the characters, using the power of three. (which is a magic number).|
|The Angels Take Manhattan||Steven Moffat||The Doctor loses Amy and Rory to the Weeping Angels, first encountered in the episode SPLINK. Pretty sad episode.|
|P.S.||Chris Chibnall||Another online short, |
|The Snowmen||Steven Moffat||A lot of people didn't like this one but that's okay. The only good episode in series 7. The Doctor meets Pancakes in Victorian London. She dies. Richard E. Grant starred as Doctor Simeon and Sir Ian McKellen plays the creaky voice of the long absent Great Intelligence who possesses Simeon.|
|The Bells of Saint John||Steven Moffat||The Doctor finally meets a pair of Pancakes and gets to keep her. The Great Intelligence returns and UNIT returns in a cameo role. The hacking scenes are pretty stupid.|
|The Rings of Akhaten||Neil Cross||I didn't like this one. It was pretty boring and stupid. Costume designs were top notch though. CGI and visuals were fantastic. The speech at the end was unearned. Marigold can fuck off with his shitty song.|
|Cold War||Mark Gatiss||Marks the return of the Lice Warriors. There was so little potential with this episode, featuring Gatiss putting a monster in some corridors and thinking that's enough, but turns out even worse than you'd expect since Gatiss's dialogue is fuck awful. Pretty by-the-book episode.|
|Hide||Neil Cross||Disappointing. The potential in this episode's monster and title seems like it would write itself, but Cross manages to fuck it all up. Heavily influenced by the Quatermass serials made years before Doctor Who came along; Cross wanted to actually use the character Quatermass but couldn't get the rights.|
|Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS||Stephen Thompson||Thompson is taking baby-steps to becoming a good writer, improving each series. Unfortunately for him, this episode was shit. Three black guys beat up the Doctor's ride and try and steal his shit. They are super annoying and the plot is cunts on toast. For better Black people sci fi, may I reccomed Mushroom Samba? It's half the running time and of far better quality.|
|The Crimson Horror||Mark Gatiss||The guest stars were very good in this story (minus Paternoster) and I enjoyed the dynamic the mother and daughter had. Jenny was hot as fuck in the fight scene and the scarred daughter was actually pretty frightening when she lost her shit over her mom. Probably Gatiss' best one so far.|
|Nightmare in Silver||Neil Gaiman||After writing The Doctor's Wife, you'd think he could write a GOAT story. Yeah, no. It has a great new-ish design for the Cybermen, but the story is so fucking stupid and everybody is annoying except for Porridge. I think people should be banned from writing a Cybermen story unless it's guaranteed to be GOAT. Poor Cibberymen have suffered from too many shit stories.|
|The Name of the Doctor||Steven Moffat||Turns out that the series Moffat said "Isn't going to be very heavy on story arcs" is actually very heavy on arcs. The Doctor lands on Trenzaloreruiner and The Great Intelligence attempts to exact his revenge. Pancakes jumps into the Doctor's timestream and becomes the MOST IMPORTANT COMPANION EVER SINCE THE PREVIOUS MOST IMPORTANT COMPANION EVER. River's Thong also shows up. The War Doctor appears. Bravo, Moffat.|
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