|“||IF WE FIGHT LIKE ANIMALS, WE DIE LIKE ANIMALS!||”|
— The Doctor demands a stop to the edit wars on Missy's page.
Survival is the fourth and final serial of the 26th season of Doctor No More. It was the last story of Old Who ever broadcast (unless you count Dimensions in Time, and, really, who doesn't?) and, from what I've seen, the only Seventh Doctor episode worth watching more than once. I mean, I love Seven and Ace, but their episodes are just a bit too campy for me most of the time. This one though, hoooo it's a whopper!
Seven takes Ace to Perivale and the two split up out of boredom. Ace catches up with the rest of her gang, most of whom have disappeared mysteriously, while Seven decides to buy cat food.
Then Seven gets teleported to the cheetah planet with the Mattress. Seven ruses the Master in epic fashion and runs to find Ace, with the rest of her gang, including the ones who were missing, have also been teleported to the cheetah planet.
At some point, McCoy gets really dizzy and yells at everyone to STAY THE FUCK STILL.
Then Ace hits a cat woman with a rock and gets cheetah powers. Seven notices the planet gives you cat powers if you fight. Ace runs along to find the injured cat lady and gives her some water because cats hate water and she's a sadistic bitch. The pussy reveals her name to be Karra, and the two immediately fall in love. Then they run off into the sunset and hunt and have lesbian furry sex forever. Or, at least, they WOULD have if Seven didn't find them and noticed Ace had cat-eyes. They retreat to find Missy with one of Ace's gang members on a leash. Turns out he has also succumbed to the thrill of the hunt and is also becoming a cheetah person- thus, if he hunts, he will be teleported back to his home planet and be forced to hunt there. Missy makes him do that and the two return to Perivale. At some point, Seven and Ace do the same.
The Mattress kills a little kitty cat and makes a girl cry. I got really mad at this part because I like kitty cats. Meanwhile, Karra and Ace have more lesbian sex, then Karra dies at Missy's hand after the Doctor rides a motorcycle. I cried. Also Karra is a 10/10 qt3.14.
Then Seven and Missy have a showdown, with Missy's hunting bringing both The Doctor and her to the cheetah planet in its final moments. Seven refuses to SPLINK like an animal and is teleported back to Earth, where he safely crosses the road.
Ace, whether having lost her cheetah senses or having learned to control them, reunites with Seven, and the two of them walk into a meadow for no apparent reason. Seriously, the TARDIS is back in Perivale - they're going the opposite way, what the actual fuck? Still great ending. And, of course, there's the rousing speech.
There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace! We've got work to do.
Oh yeah, some blonde chav makes a cameo near the end, where she bitches to Seven about neighborhood cats.
Some time after this story, Karra returns and is known as Bernice Summerfield, an archaeologist who'd eventually shag with the manlet god in some novels and the dreamboat in some random Finnish Dick ear story (and the final VNA novel, where she has a threesome with him and Alistair Briggs).
GOAT. Bravo Munro.