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Jenna strapped to the machine and being reprogrammed to say ostentatious words.

The Pretentious Dialogue Machine is a device which Steven Moffat uses when writing episodes of Doctor Who/entertainment in general. He ordered the construction of the device once he received the mantle of showruiner and began utilising it from Series 5 and onwards. If it wasn't obvious enough, the effect of the machine involves characters saying dialogue that sounds way too artsy and poetic than what an actual person would normally say.

Examples Edit

RIVER: "What if we had ideas that could think for themselves? What if one day our dreams no longer needed us? When these things occur and are held to be true, the time will be upon us. The time of Angels."

DOCTOR: "There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world." 
AMY: "How did it end up in there?
DOCTOR: "You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it."

RIVER: "I'm sorry my love..."

RIVER: "Demons Run when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true love lies, night will fall and the dark will rise, when a good man goes to war."

DOCTOR: "I'm not just a professional. I'm the Doctor." 
ALEX: "What's that supposed to mean?" 
DOCTOR: "It means I've come a long way to get here, Alex. A very long way. George sent a message. A distress call, if you like. Whatever's inside that cupboard is so terrible, so powerful, that it amplified the fears of an ordinary little boy across all the barriers of time and space." 
ALEX: "Eh?" 
DOCTOR: "Through crimson stars and silent stars and tumbling nebulas like oceans set on fire. Through empires of glass and civilizations of pure thought, and a whole, terrible, wonderful universe of impossibilities. You see these eyes? They're old eyes. And one thing I can tell you, Alex. Monsters are real."

KOVARIAN/PEG DOLLS: "Tick tock, goes the clock, and now what shall we play? Tick tock, goes the clock, now Summers gone away. (insert rest of the fucking poem here)."

DOCTOR: "I had to die. I didn't have to die alone. If it's time to go, remember what you're leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me."

DOCTOR: "And you are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven."

CLARA: "Run, you clever boy... and remember [me]..."

DOCTOR: "Because you were the first. The first face this face saw."

AMY: "So that was the year of the slow invasion, when the Earth got cubed, and the Doctor came to stay. It was also when we realised something the Shakri never understood. What cubed actually means. The power of three."

VASTRA: "He was different once, a long time ago. Kind, yes. A hero, even. A saver of worlds. But he suffered losses which hurt him. Now he prefers isolation to the possibility of pain's return."

CLARA: "That wasn't a leaf. That was page one."

CLARA'S MUM: "Oh my stars!" (SERIOUSLY, WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT?!)

CLARA'S DAD: "Because this exact leaf had to grow in that exact way in that exact place so that precise wind could tear it from that precise branch and make it fly into this exact face at that exact moment. And if just one of those tiny little things had never happened, I'd never have met you. Which makes this the most important leaf in human history."

CLARA: "I blew into this world on a leaf. I'm still blowing."

CLARA: "Those big, sad eyes."

CLARA: "And now it's time for one last bow, like all your other selves. Eleven's hour is over now, the clock is striking twelve's."

VASTRA: "I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement. I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people, but as a judgment on the quality of their hearts." 
CLARA: "When did you stop wearing your veil?"
VASTRA: "When you stopped seeing it."

DOCTOR: "What's that in the mirror, or the corner of your eye? What's that footstep following, never passing by? Perhaps they're all just waiting, perhaps when they're all dead, out they'll come a slithering from underneath the bed."

CLARA: "I know you're afraid, but being afraid is all right. Because didn't anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. And one day, you're going to come back to this barn. And on that day you're going to be very afraid indeed. But that's okay. Because if you're very wise and very strong, fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. It doesn't matter if there's nothing under the bed or in the dark, so long as you know it's okay to be afraid of it. You're always going to be afraid, even if you learn to hide it. Fear is like a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's okay, because fear can bring us together. Fear can bring you home. I'm going to leave you something, just so you'll always remember, fear makes companions of us all."

CLARA: "You cannot blame a baby for kicking." 
LUNDVIK: "Let me tell you something. You want to know what I took back from being in space? Look at the edge of the Earth. The atmosphere, that is paper thin. That is the only thing that saves us all from death. Everything else, the stars, the blackness. That's all dead. Sadly, that is the only life any of us will ever know."

DOCTOR: "Because love, it's not an emotion. Love is a promise."

DANNY: "This is not a good day. This is Earth's darkest hour. And look at you miserable lot. We are the Fallen. But today, we shall rise. The army of the dead will save the land of the living. This is not the order of a general, nor the whim of a lunatic. This is a promise, the promise of a soldier!"

DANNY/CLARA: "Every Christmas is Last Christmas"

DOCTOR: "She. She's afraid. Babies sense danger. They have to." 
CLARA: "Tell me."
DOCTOR: "Mother, I hear thunder. Mother, I hear shouting. You are my world, but I hear other worlds now. Beyond the unfolding of your smile, is there other kindness? I'm afraid. Will they be kind? The sky is crying now. Fire in the water. Fire in the water?"

DOCTOR: "I know where I got this face, and I know what it's for. To remind me. To hold me to the mark. I'm the Doctor, and I save people, and if anyone happens to be listening, and you've got any kind of a problem with that, to hell with you!"

ASHILDR: "No. I call myself Me. All the other names I chose died with whoever knew me. Me is who I am now. No one's mother, daughter, wife. My own companion. Singular. Unattached. Alone."

CLARA: "Is it a sad song?" 
DOCTOR: "Nothing's sad till it's over. Then everything is." 
CLARA: "What's it called?" 
DOCTOR: "I think that it's called Clara."

CLARA: "You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become songs."

2016 breakdown Edit

After many years of overuse, the pretentious dialogue machine broke down when production of Hell Bent concluded. Moffat had to rely on his strengths from the RTD era to write The Husbands Of River Song, but he had a mental breakdown from the effort to write realistically and thus could not produce a new series until the machine had been repaired. Thus, this resulted in the 2016 hiatus.

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