You are already dead.
— The Third Doctor's catchphrase.


Never forget to SPLINK.

Austin Pertwee

>tfw no mini-Master

Doctor Who s07e02p01 The Silurians.avi snapshot 22.01 -2014.12.21 12.27.36-

Before getting into SPLINK, the Third Doctor spent a brief period promoting SPLUNK.

The Third Doctor

Pertwee the Magnificent.

Pertwee Rapes Pertwee

"Spearhead" from space indeed.

The Third Doctor, also known as "The Proto-Twelfth Doctor", was played by Jon "Splink" Pertwurst from 1970 - 1974 as a James Bond-style badass. He was very fond of delta particles.

Story Edit

After the Second Doctor was exiled to earth for homosexuality and forced to regenerate, Pertwurst took over working alongside the Brigadier and UNIT.

Character Edit

The Third Doctor kicked the shit out of his enemies using Venusian Aikido. He was a dashing, swashbuckling hero who probably fucked your grandmother.

He also built shit and drove either a yellow buggy he named “Bessie” or a futuristic flying shoe named the "Who Mobile."

James Bond and Q rolled into one.

He was played with a lot more subtlty than it seems any fan ever gave Jon Pertwurst credit for, and might have been the most subtle and human Doctor of the lot. A lot of the problem with perception vs. how he actually was seems to stem from outside use of the the actor, such as the ill-advised "splink" PSA, made him and his character out to be more flamboyant than either really were. His incredibly gay wardrobe probably didn't help with this image either.

Style Edit

Pertweenie’s Doctor has been described as “The Dandy Doctor” due to his gay wardrobe - frilly shirts, velvet jackets, cloaks, long capes, monocles, top hats, falcons and bouffant hairstyle.

Appearances Edit

Pertwurst reigned from Spearhead from Space until Planet of the Spiders and returned for The Five Doctors.

Regeneration Edit

After battling some shitty-looking spiders Pertwurst regenerated into the Fourth Doctor.

Companions Edit

Memorable QuotesEdit

"I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow." ~ Le meme catchphrase (he actually rarely says it; it just flows so weird and so right that it stuck with fans. Fans insist that neutrons do not have reversible polarities, however, the individual quarks which make up neutrons do however have charge, and as such neutrons do have an electromagnetic moment, the polarity of which could feasibly be reversed. But now we're just getting pedantic, and there's 0% chance the Cocktor Who writers gave it as much consideration.)

"I reversed the polarity of the electron flow." ~ Le catchphrase he used more often and is more scientifically plausible, as electrons have reversible polarities and often come in flows. Because of the more frequent use and greater credibility, it naturally did not stick with the fans.

"Go fuck yourself, my good man!" ~ He ended angry things with "my good man".

"Go fuck the woman you love, my good chap!" ~ He ended happy things with "my good chap".

"I'm going to fuck your shit up, mate." ~ He'll clob ya in the gabber.

"I'll tell you something that should be of vital interest to you- that you, sir, are an autist!"


"Hai!!" ~ The last thing you'll hear before he fucks you up.

"I hate that guy. I really really hate that guy." ~ Third Doctor in regards to the Second Doctor.

"While there's life, there's..." ~ I tell you, Brigadier, there's nothing to worry about. The brontosaurus is large and placid!

The Doctor
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