While male human beings have rambunctious cocks, male Time Lords have what is known as a Timedick.
Unlike our wimpy human dicks, timedicks exist outside of just three dimensions. In fact, though some timedicks may appear smaller on average than normal human dicks, they extend in seven to nine other dimensions outside our own, five to seven of which timevaginas can feel at any one time. Some timedicks have even been known to cross into the 11th Dimension and never be seen again.
Because of their ability to stretch across dimensions and time, it is possible for any one Time Lord to procreate with several Time Ladies using just one timedick. Time Lords used to have laws against such things, but their laws are now mine, and they will obey me!
- 1: Wrinkly old man dick. If you've ever been at a gym or sauna and seen something you shouldn't, or ever saw your grandpa getting out of the shower, you've seen 1's dick.
- 2: Stubby but thick. I think they call that a cheswick, and I picture it being uncut.
- 3: Ask your grandma.
- 4: Enormously long and floppy.
- 5: One of those porno dicks, you know the types. Big vein on top, very clean and well proportioned. The dick most guys think they're supposed to have and get bummed that it's not right.
- 6: A 70s porno dick.
- 7: It barely pokes out from his pubic bush. Not because it's short, but because it's so unkempt.
- 8: Emo porno dick.
- War: It hasn't gotten hard since Karn. Never should have trusted the Sisterhood.
- 9: Picture someone dragging an old, beaten and battered wooden club along the ground as they walk.
- 10: Small, but he shaves to make it look bigger. Very self-conscious, one of those guys who gets jealous of dicks like 5's.
- 11: Lengthy, but with a hard left bend in it. I just had to look up whether Matt Smith was left or right handed, /who/, you better appreciate the level of research I put into this.
- 12: 24 inches long and completely prehensile.
Of course, the Master also has a Timedick:
- Delgado: Cut, clean, perfectly proportioned, flawlessly managed hair.
- Zombie: Have you ever overcooked a hot dog in the microwave? Have you ever accidentally smushed a banana? Have you ever seen a tree that's been struck by lightning?
- Ainley: As stubby and smug looking as its owner. Like a short bald man in a heavy tan coat.
- Roberts: Long, thin, and with creepy blue veins all over it. Pronounced circumcision scar.
- Jacobi: A shower, not a grower. Wrinkly balls dangling down to the knee. Twitches in time with the drums, the drums, the never-ending drums.
- Simms: Exactly the same as 10's except slightly longer.
- Gomez: Heavy, brown beef curtains, with wild unkempt hair that's nevertheless been carefully shaven into an arrow pointing at her Timeclit.
Timedicks are vulnerable to any number of venereal diseases, including: Earth STDs like timegonorrhea and HIV (aka. timeAIDS), timeticks, timecrabs, timechlamydia, shutting the TARDIS door on your timedick, bleeding, impotence, rejection, and self-recursion (in which the timedick inserts into itself infinitely until it disappears. The Master's timedick continually did this, so he turned into a lady).
- The Master summoned Kronos with his timetits.
- The most popular iteration to date has been The Capaldick.